omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
