Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
