Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
