I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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