I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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