Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
