i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize