Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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