Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
did i just pee glitter
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
