The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
