In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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