I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
