she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
