He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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