I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
