If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
