Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
