Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
