Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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