just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
These tits shall not be calmed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
