She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
