he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
