So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Actions speak louder than pants.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
