Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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