I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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