I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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