bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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