Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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