I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
