i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
