Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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