so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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