i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
