Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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