My balls are so social today.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
