Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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