just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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