my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
