i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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