I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
