I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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