I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
