I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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