normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
