i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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