Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
