paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
