You're completely useless in the revolution.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
