my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
