maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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