you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
