Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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