he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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