seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
