I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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