i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
