He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
