there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
