I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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