Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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