I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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