He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
