will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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