it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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