yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
