I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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