sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
