its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
