I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
